|
|||||||
|
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
|
Gus Maples' Dictionary |
Thank you, Mr. Maples, for your dictionary splendid.
Your prickly wit is every bit as sharp as you intended.
I use it almost every day, my lexical consultant,
And always am rewarded with a risible resultant.
O. W. Braithwaite, Resolute Reader
Gus Maples' Dictionary is illustrated with drawings from my grandfather's favorite humor book, Peck's Bad Boy and His Pa (1893) by George W. Peck (1840-1916). The artist is Trueman W. Williams (1839-1897), who illustrated the first edition of Tom Sawyer for Mark Twain. Dictionary: A compilation of words, definitions, opinions and asides, which, in spite of occasional misspellings, grammatical slip-ups and factual irregularities, is considered the ultimate authority; the go-to book. Selections from C Casino: A place of gambling, sin and debauchery that is raided weekly by the department of revenue. Civility: Courteous behavior; politeness. Outmoded, but thought to be found in a few remote areas of the country. Code of ethics: A declaration of lofty ideals adopted by a trade or professional organization after its members have been caught doing something egregious. Considered opinion: Advice rendered by a professional after he has considered his fee. Corporate looter: A senior executive who, in times of unrest, takes to the streets to pillage jewelry stores, leather-goods boutiques and luxury automobile dealerships. Country club prison: A low-security incarceration facility noted for its comforts and amenities that serves a higher class of criminal, that is to say, those who have stolen millions rather than thousands. Plus: “The Labyrinth,” a play in one act, a new national holiday (Child Poets of America Day), original and not-so-original songs (“Tiptoe Through the Donuts”) and poems (“The Man with the Remote”), the true story of the Elixir of Life, the first letter written by a Sasquatch, a contemporary wedding ceremony and numerous entries from the files of corporate behemoth Errix Enterprises. |